Thursday, August 26, 2010

"... at least like Paulie ..."

Thought maybe it was time for an UPDATE. I will be honest with you [as I always try to be ] I have spent wAAAAAAAy to much time writing this entry & have changed it SEVERAL times. It started out as something I didn't want it to be so I altered it into what it is now. For that alone I give thanks ,,,, as should you btw = ha !

On Sunday, August 15th through a series of VERY unexpected phone calls & circumstances, we now have an addition here at 4998 Noble. He arrived with a name, but since he is only "one" year old [ or there-abouts ] we're changing his name. If you know us, by now you know that most would refer to this little guy as a "dog" & we are his "owners". In MG speak he is a new family member & we are his care-takers. He is the same breed as Taylor [ the "senior partner in this firm" as Taylor has told the "new kid" many times ] although the new arrival looks much more like this breed than Taylor does. [ That will change somewhat after the first professional grooming on 10/7 . ] This little guys new name is "Paulie" ,,, after Saint Paul & comes from Paul's letter to the Philippians, chapter 4, verse 11: " Now I speak in respect of want: for this I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."

Paulie was apparently born into rather rough circumstances & ours is [ at least ] his 4th home in his young life, yet his attitude & temperament is joy-filled & exuberant. Now some might attribute that to him being young, just a "pup" so-to-speak, but not all would maintain the outlook that Paulie has, young or not so young, especially with all that he's been through. Our circumstances can take a toll on us, can't they ? Sometimes shaping us & making us into something that we neither desired nor thought at all possible, if we let them. T'is true the saying "Life will make you bitter or better ". The choice of course is up to us when all is said & done, bitter or better. Paulie has not turned bitter [ I can't speak as to whether he is "better" as I've only known him a few days ]. Each & every day he is warming up to us & trusting us more,,, God only knows what he's experienced in his young life, but whatever it might have been, it has not made him bitter.

One of my current prayers is that even if I cannot become "better' today [ & that should be the goal, right ? ] ...PLEASE don't allow me to become bitter. Sometimes that's the "best" we can do on any given day,,, not to become bitter when better doesn't appear to be an option. So first off today I will TRY to become a better me but if for some reason that seems unattainable then please, Please, PLEASE, prevent bitterness from taking over my life. In the simplest of terms... " Lord, please help me to at least be like Paulie ,,, in whatsoever state I am in, therewith to be content. " Amen? Amen.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Disappointment and Relief

Greetings - I was asked recently how I would describe my summer of 2010,,, in just a couple of words. The heading on this blog entry is the answer I gave.

Without going into too much detail the disappointment [ in part ] stems from the discovery that [ few - some - most - ? ] people are not necessarily what they'd represented themselves to be or perhaps what I'd believed them to be or what I had hoped they were. You'd have thought that by the time one reached my "seasoned" years, I would have dealt with that conundrum, but alas it has smacked me head on & knocked me for a loop once again. Shouldn't have, we've all seen it time & time again, right ? Is it instinct [?] in some of us to want to believe the best of others?What's the alternative to that ? To believe the worst then be surprised when [ if ] it turns out differently ? Most of us know people like that [ pessimists ] & haven't a desire to join their ranks, yet wouldn't that be easier ,,, in the long run ?

The relief part of my answer resulted from returning [ via unfortunate circumstances ] to the place that has given me nightmares for nigh onto 6 years & discovering that its "hold" on me is over. The fear & angst & anger & vast hurt is done. By returning to that which haunted me, I have faced it D-O-W-N once and for all. I cannot relay to you, Dear Readers, what a weight has been lifted from my shoulders because of this happening. All I can think of, hokey as it may sound to some of you, is Gerald Ford saying " Our long [ national ] nightmare is over" after the stepping down of Richard Nixon. That long nightmare that has haunted me since September of 2004 IS over - done - complete - history ,,, and I daily thank God for this miracle !!!!!!!

So, which of the two words is "ahead" for the summer, disappointment or relief ? Ahhh, there is the golden question for which, at the moment I have no answer. After all, summer is not over yet is it ? And, as I have tried and tried to get through to one of my Dear'O's,,, life is about balance ,,, it's all about balance ,,, and our infinite [ perhaps instinctual ] desire to tip the scales in favor [ belief ] of goodness & light in order to obtain some desperately needed relief from the disappointments of life. And so it goes ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


A huge THANKS to all who spoke up concerning yesterday's KASIYH Blog post. I admire each and every one of you. * * * ...