Friday, January 7, 2011

Carefully , , ,

I have been trying to compose this entry for days & days now, but each & every time it just didn't pan out as I wanted ,,,,, " when at first you don't succeed..."

The pic above was chosen very carefully for this blog entry, keep in mind that I cannot swim. I feel very much like this is the "bridge" that is in front of me. I need to choose my steps with all kinds of due caution, one slip and ....... And that's not even considering the "unknown" that lies on the other side of this foot bridge ,,,,,,,IF one makes it there.

For at least 7 & 1/2 months now I've become increasingly aware that the actions of many [ not just a few & not just some ] people in my life do not prove the words they say [ or have said ] to me. Turns out yet again that mother was right: "The proof IS in the pudding." One can handle this sort of situation now & then, but when it becomes the rule rather than the exception, that's not easy, at least for me. And when it comes from some of the people one thought of as "closest to the heart", that's really difficult.

Do I expect too much from people? Is the old adage "believe none of what you hear & only half of what you see " REALLY true after all ? Is it better to have only acquaintances & keep people far enough away so they can't hurt you too much ? Good God I'm 56 years old & still wondering such things, shouldn't I have the answers to these questions by now ?

I'm tired of the rickety-crickety footbridge experiences. I'm weary of feeling that if I misstep I will surely drown. Seems like returning from whence one came & taking a good long nap would be a reasonable solution, maybe then the footbridge wouldn't seem so daunting. Or maybe I wouldn't want to attempt it at all.

O Happy Day !